Leighton Noyes

Q: Which three words describe you best?

Silly little man.

Q: What did you want to be when you were a child?

I wanted to be Doctor Who when I was a little boy growing up in the 1970's- Tom Baker was the fourth Doctor and a hero of mine.

Q: What are you afraid of?

Daleks, Cybermen, Sontarans, Sea Devils, Autons, Weeping Angels, police boxes, time and space. Actually, thinking about it, I wouldn't have made a very good Doctor Who. And balloons. I've a terrible fear of balloons.

Q: When did you last have a really good laugh?

1995.

Q: What strange habits do you have?

You'd better take a seat...I've recently started getting my head stuck in stools. I'm not sure if that's a habit but it's happening far too frequently to be passed off as accidental. When I'm not doing that I often find myself staring into my fridge for up to five minutes at a time without taking anything out. I stare blankly into space a lot actually. I wear new shoes in bed if I really like them. I have mild and recurring panic attacks thinking I've left my bag on a train. I don't go on trains. I haven't even got a bag. If a tricky situation arises which I'm fairly certain I can't handle, I pretend to be Tom Baker and let him deal with it. Sometimes I pretend to have obsessive compulsive disorder. To make myself sound more interesting I tell old biddies I'm Corgi registered but can't work on their boiler because of a gas allergy. I used to bite my toenails when I was younger but never knew it was a social taboo until I was doing it round Margaret and Roger's house and they never offered me any biscuits. I regularly drink Lemsips regardless of whether I have a cold or not. I carry a beautiful hanky around with me to charm upset ladies but although I offer it to them I secretly hope they'll refuse because it's a really good hanky and it would be a shame to ruin it with their snot and tears.

Q: Do you feel younger or older than your current age?

I've always felt older and I've always wanted grey hair and wrinkles to make my dull, flabby face more interesting.

Q: What quality do you most admire in a person?

I admire selflessness in people. Especially if they're being selfless for my benefit.

Q: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you?

Oh be quiet, Leighton.

Q: What has life taught you?

I can honestly say, hand on heart, I've learned nothing.

Q: What were you like at school?

Not as clever or as popular as I would have liked to have been. But looking back on it, I'm clever enough to do what I want to do now and I haven't any friends to worry about, so perfect!

Q: What is your favourite word?

Bedtime.

Q: If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be?

Maybe Elvis? I'd prefer to have met him whilst he was alive though- he'd probably have more to say.

Q: What is the most interesting place you have ever visited?

I went ghost hunting a few years back in some woods that were supposed to be haunted. I was there in the dead of night and although it was quite spooky I didn't see or hear anything remotely scary. It was a complete waste of time- nothing but bats,owls and a headless horseman.

Q: What would you most like to change about yourself?

My socks.

Q: What makes you cringe?

Loud people with nothing to say. I haven't anything to say either but I do it quietly.

Q: What is your most treasured possession?

At the moment it's my lovely old brown coat. It's older than I am and it's beautiful. I got it to replace a similar coat my grandad once gave me which is quite battered and now rests in the wardrobe of retired coats.

Q: What do you do as a hobby?

I irritate my daughter as much as I can. If she's too busy to be irritated I head for street corners and bother grannies. Sometimes I bring grannies home with me to bother my daughter.

Q: What’s your favourite food?

Avocado of course.

Q: What do you day dream about?

Days to come.

Q: What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve done?

I stopped an alien invasion when I was Tom Baker once.

Q: What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

A plumber- blocked drains a specialty. You want to see me with a plunger- magnificent!

Q: What was your favourite book as a child?

A Bear Called Paddington.